I try to teach good habits to my kids, things that will help them have a better and easier life, like the Morning 5, and things that will grow them spiritually, like taking an active part in our morning family devotional.  Even a daily walkabout to clean up their things around the house is a good habit, though I admit it’s not targeting the core issue: they still leave things out when they are finished with them.

Since our kids were out of the high chair we taught them to carry their dishes to the sink… immediately cleaning after themselves.  But the general concept of putting away toys/crafts/the tiny-pieces-of-paper-they-just-shredded (why do they do this?) IMMEDIATELY when they are done… it’s just not a habit.  In fact, I’m pretty sure that despite my urgings, it’s not even a passing thought in my kids’ minds.

So yesterday I decided to start “Make-a-Habit”.  Supposedly it takes 21 days of repeating an action to make it stick, so I figure 30 days oughta do the trick.  And if we focus on a new habit every month, we’ll have aquired 12 new habits at the end of a year!

Yesterday I deemed November’s habit “clean up after yourself.”  Actually, I tried to make it a little fun: Put Everything In It’s Place, or PEIIP.  We’re pronouncing it “peep” for the sake of having an image as a reminder to keep up the habit; yes, I made little Easter peeps with construction paper and taped them around the house.

Amazingly, the kids are completely on board.  I think it helped that we started with a clean house, and I made two promises:

1. If everyone keeps up with this habit, we will never have to clean the house again.  Having our house on the market forever (and having to clean for showings and open house) this was a big sell.  I added the disclaimer that we’d all have to still do chores, but it didn’t seem to damper the effect of this promise.
2. At the end of the month we’d have some sort of victory celebration.  I’m hoping to make some homemade marshmallows in the shape of peeps, and since sugar and a movie equal a celebration according to the kids, it should be pretty easy.

I’m not laying this all on my kids, by the way.  The primary factor in teaching your children is by example, so I’m making sure that I “peep” every single thing.  Believe me, they’re watching.

For the last 2 weeks our family has been out of whack– our schedule has been overturned by staying up late with an evening VBS and large amounts of time painting and cleaning a rental house.  I haven’t spent much time with my kids, in fun activities or even in parenting.  We’ve had a lot of fast food meals and slow-moving mornings.  I’ve been dealing with an emotional issue with a friend and I’m tired, emotionally drained, and last night I stayed up until 3 in the morning watching reruns of a sitcom wasting my brain.

And I have used all of those things as rationalization for letting things slide.  “Oh, I’ve had to ask Levi to pick up his cars from the living room again, for the 4th time.  Well, I’ll just remind him again, because after all, it was me who kept him up late last night while we finished painting at the rental.”  And ”Oh, Kyra didn’t put away the heating pad like I told her, she just threw it on the floor of my bedroom.  But I’ll just put it away for her, because she’s outside playing and I’d have to go out and call her in and wait and tell her to do the job… I’ll just do it.”  And “Oh, Josiah talked back to me, again, but I’ll just let Nate handle it when he gets home ‘cuz I’m just too tired to deal with it.”

And so today we were swimming with another family who had brought 2 friends.  Last night’s storm had sent deck chairs into the pool, so I told my kids to get them out and not put any back in– the chairs don’t belong in the pool.  But when we got ready to leave I realized there were a ton of deck chairs in the bottom of the pool… and when I asked Josiah about it, he said one of the other boys, one of the friends, had put them in. 

And that’s when I was that mom:  I just knew my son wouldn’t lie to me, not even to save his own skin, and without even asking the friend if he had done it, I yelled at him.  Don’t get confused here– I didn’t yell at my kid.  I yelled at the friend of the other family.  Angrily telling him he shouldn’t have done that and to get the chairs out of the pool.  Nice, right?  Don’t you want your kids around me?

It gets worse:  Josiah had lied.  They had all thrown the chairs into the pool and played on them.  So not only had I yelled at someone else’s kid, it was for something my own kids had done too. 

I shouldn’t be suprised, really, by my behavior or my kids’.  With my own lack of self-control and all the things I’ve let my kids get away with lately, it’s no wonder I over-reacted without assessing the situation, or that my kids disobeyed me with the pool chairs, or that Josiah sought to avoid punishment by blaming someone else.  I’ve allowed the “tone of our home” to degrade into low expectations and the path of least resistance, and today was the result. 

When I don’t use self-discipline to monitor my own behavior or to uphold the beliefs and guidelines of our family, then of course the kids will feel the reigns slackening and push against the unsteady boundaries.  I’m not excusing the wrongdoings of my children– I believe they should live as they’ve been taught no matter the circumstances– but I recognize that they will follow the lead of the parent.  If I am am cheerful, they have a more joyful attitude; if I work to do my best, they are inspired to excel; if I clearly enjoy reading my Bible daily, they will anticipate hearing God’s words to them; and if I am lazy and turn a blind eye to misbehavior, they will do just enough to get by and to not ‘get in trouble’. 

Discipline in my home starts with me.  Not with me hovering, waiting to punish my children for making a mistake, but with me visibly seeking guidance from God in my life and being a good example; with me being consistent in my expectations for them and following through every time; with me leading them and loving them the same way God leads and loves me.

Early to bed, early to rise

Makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise

Makes a mama patient, cheerful and easy on the eyes.  :)

As much as I hate mornings, I have to admit that getting up early (which means, up and ready and on the move before the kids wake up) really does make a difference in my day.  I am more in control of my to-do list, my emotions, and our schedule.  However, on the days that I get up with the kids, I am draggy and basically reacting to their needs and wants; those are my most unproductive days.

A friend of mine (Tracey) once said that if she gets up at the same time as her kids, she feels like she’s late to work.  That registered with me: Being a homemaker/mom/homeschool teacher is my job.  I wouldn’t have dreamt of showing up late when I was a government-school teacher; in fact I was there an hour early in order to be prepared for the day.  Why am I not consistently doing the same for my own kids?! 

I know that getting up before the rest of the family is a benefit to me:  I am more cheerful and less stressed if I’ve had time to connect with God through uninterrupted prayer and Bible reading; I am highly motivated to take action on my to-do list if I have time to quietly look it over and prioritize; and I am happier to see my kids if I’ve had time alone, being ‘Tammy’ before being ‘Mommy’. 

So, I want to develop the habit of getting up at a set time each day.  Since Daylight Savings Time begins in less than a week– (Spring forward,) I’m going to have to do some adjusting.  Each day this week I’ll set my alarm clock, and make a 15-minute daily adjustment to accomodate the upcoming time change:

• Monday, 7:00
• Tuesday, 6:45
• Wednesday, 6:30
• Thursday, 6:15
• Friday, 6:00
• Saturday, 5:45 
• Sunday, 6:45 (same time to my body-clock as Saturday)         

I think next week I may commit to 10 days at 6:45, but I have to get through this week first.  Is anyone with me?  Want to take the Early-to-Bed, Early-to-Rise Challenge?