Poor Kyra got poison ivy on her face– across her forehead, along her nose, around her mouth, behind her ears, down her neck.  She must’ve touched a plant when we were weeding for friends, and she scratched and rubbed for a day before I realized what it was.  Her face is deep red and leathery and swollen, and though it doesn’t hurt and barely itches, she’s embarassed because people keep looking at her; it is startlingly red.

This is the third time she’s gotten poison ivy this summer.  Her skin is so sensitive that she reacts with any amount of exposure, and even afer the rash is gone the area stays red for weeks.  And this summer, in about a month, she goes to camp for the first time, meeting tons of new friends…  And she’ll have a splotchy red face.  Ugh– I hurt for her!  I want to take it off of her body and smear it all over my own, just so she won’t have to deal with the stares and questions.

I told her that— that I’d take the rash and the allergy and put it on my own body if I could, so she could have her soft smooth skin back.  She pulled back and looked into my eyes, as if to see if I was telling the truth.  And then she smiled, and her eyes… it was like I could see how content she felt, how loved she knew she was.  That is a cherished moment for me.

I know that I would do anything for my kids.  I would die for them without even thinking about it!  …But do they know it?  Part of the beauty of unconditional love is the recipient being aware of that love, of the immensity of it.  I’m not saying to go tell your kids you’d die for them; it’s too overwhelming and beyond their comprehension.  But when was the last time you told them something deeper than the foundational “I love you”? 

I show my kids my love for them on a daily basis: the cooking and cleaning and training and activities and snuggling and treats are all because I love them.  But don’t we all need to hear it in words, too?  I love the special times that Nate brings me flowers, but to be honest it’s what he’s written in the card that fills my heart.  Try to find a way this week to tell your kids how much you love them, beyond those three little words.   

The no-rinse hand sanitizers have always bothered me.  It’s the thought of putting chemicals on my hands to kill germs but not rinsing them off… then I rub my itching eye or lick the chocolate off my finger…  I don’t know, it’s just doesn’t seem healthy.

But I like the concept, a lot.  If we’re on a trip and stop at a gas station to use the bathroom, I just can’t believe there’s any part of my body with worse germs and bacteria than what’s on the doors and faucet and doorknob of that bathroom.  In the past I’ve kept baby wipes to clean our hands after using a nasty public restroom, but I like the idea of a hand sanitizer much better– something that will actually kill the germs!

I found this recipe online, and I can’t wait to try it out!  It calls for ingredients I need to purchase so I haven’t made it yet, but I’ll let you know how it goes when I try it out.  If you make it before me, please share your results!

Homemade Hand Sanitizer

• 1 cup aloe vera gel
• 1 tsp rubbing alcohol
• 2 tsp vegetable glycerin
• 8-10 drops tea tree or lavender essential oil

Check out the full information here if you are interested in making your own hand sanitizer!

For the last 2 weeks our family has been out of whack– our schedule has been overturned by staying up late with an evening VBS and large amounts of time painting and cleaning a rental house.  I haven’t spent much time with my kids, in fun activities or even in parenting.  We’ve had a lot of fast food meals and slow-moving mornings.  I’ve been dealing with an emotional issue with a friend and I’m tired, emotionally drained, and last night I stayed up until 3 in the morning watching reruns of a sitcom wasting my brain.

And I have used all of those things as rationalization for letting things slide.  “Oh, I’ve had to ask Levi to pick up his cars from the living room again, for the 4th time.  Well, I’ll just remind him again, because after all, it was me who kept him up late last night while we finished painting at the rental.”  And ”Oh, Kyra didn’t put away the heating pad like I told her, she just threw it on the floor of my bedroom.  But I’ll just put it away for her, because she’s outside playing and I’d have to go out and call her in and wait and tell her to do the job… I’ll just do it.”  And “Oh, Josiah talked back to me, again, but I’ll just let Nate handle it when he gets home ‘cuz I’m just too tired to deal with it.”

And so today we were swimming with another family who had brought 2 friends.  Last night’s storm had sent deck chairs into the pool, so I told my kids to get them out and not put any back in– the chairs don’t belong in the pool.  But when we got ready to leave I realized there were a ton of deck chairs in the bottom of the pool… and when I asked Josiah about it, he said one of the other boys, one of the friends, had put them in. 

And that’s when I was that mom:  I just knew my son wouldn’t lie to me, not even to save his own skin, and without even asking the friend if he had done it, I yelled at him.  Don’t get confused here– I didn’t yell at my kid.  I yelled at the friend of the other family.  Angrily telling him he shouldn’t have done that and to get the chairs out of the pool.  Nice, right?  Don’t you want your kids around me?

It gets worse:  Josiah had lied.  They had all thrown the chairs into the pool and played on them.  So not only had I yelled at someone else’s kid, it was for something my own kids had done too. 

I shouldn’t be suprised, really, by my behavior or my kids’.  With my own lack of self-control and all the things I’ve let my kids get away with lately, it’s no wonder I over-reacted without assessing the situation, or that my kids disobeyed me with the pool chairs, or that Josiah sought to avoid punishment by blaming someone else.  I’ve allowed the “tone of our home” to degrade into low expectations and the path of least resistance, and today was the result. 

When I don’t use self-discipline to monitor my own behavior or to uphold the beliefs and guidelines of our family, then of course the kids will feel the reigns slackening and push against the unsteady boundaries.  I’m not excusing the wrongdoings of my children– I believe they should live as they’ve been taught no matter the circumstances– but I recognize that they will follow the lead of the parent.  If I am am cheerful, they have a more joyful attitude; if I work to do my best, they are inspired to excel; if I clearly enjoy reading my Bible daily, they will anticipate hearing God’s words to them; and if I am lazy and turn a blind eye to misbehavior, they will do just enough to get by and to not ‘get in trouble’. 

Discipline in my home starts with me.  Not with me hovering, waiting to punish my children for making a mistake, but with me visibly seeking guidance from God in my life and being a good example; with me being consistent in my expectations for them and following through every time; with me leading them and loving them the same way God leads and loves me.

Father’s Day is this Sunday.  I always have a hard time with gifts for Nate because he’s a typical guy: if he needs or wants something, he goes out and buys it unless we can’t afford it.  So figuring out something he’d like, but hasn’t bought yet, but that we can afford… it’s not easy.

This year I found something I know he’ll like: tickets to a Cardinals game.  It’s something we can afford as a splurge, but I know Nate wouldn’t buy these just for himself.  I was hoping to get him 2 tickets, for him and a guy-friend,  in one of the balconies that provides all-you-can-eat food and drinks, but *gulp* it was definitely more than I could justify, even for Father’s Day.

I ended up getting tickets for the whole family, in the cheap seats, for about a fourth of the price I considered for 2.  It’s a Father’s Day gift, after all, so going as a family makes more sense anyway. 

As far as my dad and Nate’s dad, we’re doing what we did for our moms in May: just spend time with them.  We are blessed to live relatively close to our parents, but all of us have busy lives and we don’t do a whole lot of just being together. 

What about you?  What are you planning for the men in your life?

Several years ago at a homeschooling conference, a speaker named Candy Summers said to do something special, some kind of small suprise, for your kids… every day!  At first I thought she was crazy, and surely way too busy with this one task.  But I kept thinking about it, and slowly began experimenting.

I started small (which is the idea) and to this day I continue small.  It can be any little thing, like serving their snack of raisins and nuts in an ice cream cone, or 15 minutes on the computer for fun games.

I try to do something every single day.  I can’t say that I’ve never forgotten, but if the kids are in bed and I realize I didn’t have a “little thing” that day, I squeeze into bed with each of them for extra snuggle time or I sneak them into the living room for an impromptu sleepover. 

It has gotten to be such a habit that I am always on the lookout for something the kids would like; it’s become part of what I do.  Today Levi had a lesson on shapes, so I had all the kids make shapes out of marshmallows and toothpicks.  Yesterday I read to them extra long from the book we’re reading together right now, “Abel’s Island.”  See, nothing big. 

The basic concept is simply to bring a tiny sigh of “oh!” into each day, a little sunshine whether there’s any outside or not.  I want my kids to look back on their childhood with a smile and a happy, loved feeling.  That’s not going to come from expensive vacations or dragging them to every sport we can sign them up for; it’ll come from small moments, from the little things.  Here’s some ideas to get you started:

• keep a stock of “goodies” like silly putty, glow sticks, or even scotch tape to give them, especially on rainy days
• take a walk in the dark, with flashlights
• put green food coloring in the pasta you serve them at lunch
• write each a note and put it on their bed to find.  Even non-readers will love this (and probably memorize the note!)
• pack a picnic breakfast (like muffins or cereal in sandwich bags) on a nice day, with a timer set, and send them to the back yard
• put a piece of candy or treat on their pillows
• give them a packet of seeds and a spot in the yard that is just for them
• let them use a straw at supper
• buy a package of squirt guns and send them to the deck/porch in their swimsuits

Some of these may seem silly, they’re so small… but that’s just it: the simple pleasures in life are what make our days special.  Do a little brainstorming for things you can do for your own family, and share them with us!

I heard of a longitudinal study some time ago that talked about violence in children’s shows and the impact it had on the kids when they became young adults.  It said that kids exposed to violent shows were more violent as adults, including being convicted of crimes and beating other adults at 3-4 times the rate of other adults.  Oh, and the violent shows they referred to in the study?  Road Runner and Starsky and Hutch.  You can read a summary of the study here. 

Movies and television shows for kids these days cross more moral lines than Road Runner ever did.  We’re no longer having to screen for ‘just’ sex and violence, but other messages as well: disrespect for authority, scorn of the ‘dummy’ dad, mockery of obedience to God, the only-happy ending of when you find your true love, manipulation or lying for ‘good reasons’… and I don’t know what the deal is with Disney– why does every princess have no mom? 

My stance on movies is this: the World’s rating is more… liberal than mine.  So if the World rates it as PG-13, then my kids will have to be a good 5 years older than 13 to watch it.  If it’s rated PG, I’m surely going to use my parental guidance to nix it until I’ve checked it out thoroughly.   

We use dove.org for getting previewed information on any movies we are considering watching.  Dove monitors things like profanity and nudity (yes, people, cleavage is nudity!) but also looks into themes and sub-messages that we may want to be wary of or things that would be good topics of discussion with our kids.

Be purposeful in this area of parenting; it takes diligence, but if we don’t work to protect our children’s innocence, who will?

My daughter Kyra has no hips, lucky thing.  Her trim body looks so cute in pretty much anything, but for a long time her lack of hips was a big struggle.  I felt like I was constantly telling Kyra to pull up her pants so her little bum crack wouldn’t show.  She’d get an embarassed look on her face and yank up her pants as far as they’d go.  It became a toss-up for which way to humiliate her: let her bum hang out the back  for all to see, or remind her to pull up her pants for all to hear.  Then I came up with the code word.

I had Kyra pick out a word that I could use to remind her to pull up her pants, and that way no one else would know what we were talking about.  She chose “simple,”  and we practiced; I’d say “simple” and she’d pull up her pants.  We practiced plenty before doing it in public so that it would hopefully be enough of a habit that the days of the humiliating, “Pull up your pants, Kyra!” were over. 

I still remember the first time we tried it in front of other people.  We were visiting with some friends of ours and I noticed Kyra’s little bum peeping out of her jeans.  I softly said, “Kyra, simple.” and without looking at me she tugged up her pants.  I was inwardly patting myself on the back when I heard her loudly proclaim, “That means I’m supposed to pull up my pants!”  *sigh*  It did get better.

We use code words now for lots of things, like the reminder to chew with your mouth closed is “chap” and helping Levi stop the habit of chewing on his fingernails was “giddy-up.”  We even use code words for things we just get tired of saying; instead of “Please sit with your bum on your chair and your legs in front of you when you sit at the dining room table” we just say, “joy!” and the kids shuffle into the proper position. 

Try some code words of your own; your kids will appreciate these gentle reminders that won’t embarass them.

Mornings can be a hassle.  Getting myself and 3 kids ready for our day is pretty much never smooth-going, but having my kids do their Morning 5 has helped. 

The Morning 5 is the basic ‘care-for-yourself’ things that I want my kids to do every day of their life.  I thought about what I would want them to do when they stay at someone else’s home, what they should do when they are in college, and what should be habit for them to do as adults:

1. Make your bed.
2. Get dressed.
3. Take care of dirty/clean laundry.
4. Clean up bedroom.
5. Brush teeth, wash face, fix hair.

We had to spend time practicing these steps, and they’re still not habit– yet; but I know that if this is our family’s expectation all the years they are in this house, it will become second nature to them eventually.

When the kids were younger I made some alterations to help make things a little easier:

1. Make your bed.  *They were able to do this because I did NOT use a sheet, only their comforter, and I tucked it in around the foot and most of the sides of the bed.  That way they were only “making” the head-end of the bed, and the rest stayed put.
2. Get dressed.  *With help when they needed it, but it’s suprising how young a child can fully dress themselves.  Laying out clothes for them helps with this step.
3. Take care of dirty/clean laundry. *I taped pictures of clothing on the dresser drawers so they could put away their clean clothes.  It doesn’t matter if they put them in messy!  A few wrinkles are worth this life-long habit.
4. Clean up bedroom.  *This can be difficult if your kids have too many toys.  I’ll be writing about Trade-Out Toys soon, which will help.
5. Brush teeth, wash face.  *Always with supervision until you know they are getting those pearly-whites clean! 

After my kids were able to do the Morning 5 without help, I also added a requirement: they had to do their 5 before they could have breakfast.  This has helped them speed up the process, because they can’t wait to eat each morning– except for my youngest, the laid-back easy-going kid.  He doesn’t do his 5 quick, but he does get them done; baby steps…

The main event of a birthday party is always the cake.  In my world that means it needs to be chocolate, but for my kids it means mom spent time to make it special.  I learned some cake-decorating tricks from my mother-in-law; she has made wedding cakes for years, and taught me tips as well as her secret frosting recipe.  I had to pinky-swear to never reveal her recipe, but I can share what she taught me about basic cake-decorating. 

Tip #1:  After baking your cake let it cool, then cover it with plastic wrap and freeze it for at least 2 hours, overnight if possible.  This makes it easier to handle for Tips 2 & 3.

Tip #2:  Trim the cake with a serrated knife so that the surfaces are level.  That means the mound in the middle and the raised (and kinda stiff) edges.  This is also the time to do any cutting if you want to make a specific shape.

Tip #3:  Using clean hands, smear frosting all over the cake to seal in the crumbs.  No knife or spatula, just your hands; and yes, this is a very messy step.  The cake will look terrible at this point because the frosting will be full of crumbs and there will be some areas that will take extra frosting to get it covered, but don’t skip this step!

Tip #4:  Spread another layer of frosting using a spatula or butter knife.  This layer will be crumb-free and as thick as you want it.  You can get it totally smooth by dipping your spatula or butter knife into a glass of warm water.  After you level off an area, scrape the excess frosting off and redip into the water.  The warm water softens the frosting enough so that you can erase any uneven or streaky spots.  Your cup will look as nasty as mine!

Tip #5:  Don’t be afraid to use inedible objects.  I have added toys like crowns, legos, race cars, and today: toy soldiers.  Well-cleaned toys can add whimsey and a 3-D effect as well as making the cake-decorating  process a lot easier.

Tip #6:  Remember that your child will love whatever cake you make.  I have had the same adoring and proud response from each of my kids for every cake I’ve made them; not just the really cool ones that I knew looked great, but also the pathetic cakes that I was embarassed to display.  “It’s the thought that counts” is so true in this situation!  Just knowing that Mom spent time and did her best just for him or her makes the birthday child feel special and loved– which is what the birthday celebration is all about!

I learned 2 things tonight, the first being the realization… that I’m old.  Mom and I were driving to Kansas City and we stopped for gas; she went into the gas station while I filled the tank, and then it happened: I fell.  Really hard.  My foot got tangled in the gas hose somehow, and I fell like a big. heavy. log.  Knees, elbows, palms, shoulder, chin.  Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.  All the way down.  I think my feet and legs even came up off the ground from my momentum, then smacked again.  

I used to joke (as in, yesterday) about older people fretting over a possible fall but wow, now I get it.  It didn’t hurt my pride that I fell, it just hurt!  With my body flat on the greasy, dusty, spit-ridden concrete I understood why the elderly fear a fall, and it hit me: I am old.

The other thing I learned when my mom came out of the gas station.  I had been laughing hysterically at the fact that I had fallen so completely, and it must have looked really, really funny; but when I saw my mom, I totally started crying!  It was like the pain from the fall and the shock of falling so hard were suddenly overwhelming, and I knew my mom would sympathize and make me feel better. 

I learned at that moment: I still need my mom.  I’ve known for a long time that I need her advice, her recipes, her laughter and her friendship, but amidst bruises and grime I just needed her– and that realization filled me with an odd contentment.  When I needed her she was there for me; and also,  I have three kids who will always need me.  I’m forever going to be someone’s mommy, and at different points in their lives they will need me; not for my organizing tips or my Best-Ever Chocolate Cake recipe– they will, at times, just need me.  I am blessed to overflowing.