I know, it’s past Halloween.  But I did this for my kids as a Little Thing and they talked and talked about how fun it was, so I had to share.  And they didn’t care that it is now officially Thanksgiving season instead of Halloween, so I spent a couple extra minutes on part of their lunch.  Just look at their smiles, the little posers!

All I did was cut off the top of the oranges and then swish my knife around inside to make it easier for them to scoop out the fruit, and then made the little jack o’lantern faces with a permanent marker.  Served with a spoon, it was an easy and healthy treat.

**I have to call attention to the background of the picture.  The PEIIP is going so well!  It’s not perfect, but the kids are really making an effort to grow this habit in themselves.  I’m already thinking about what habit to work on as a family in December!

I try to teach good habits to my kids, things that will help them have a better and easier life, like the Morning 5, and things that will grow them spiritually, like taking an active part in our morning family devotional.  Even a daily walkabout to clean up their things around the house is a good habit, though I admit it’s not targeting the core issue: they still leave things out when they are finished with them.

Since our kids were out of the high chair we taught them to carry their dishes to the sink… immediately cleaning after themselves.  But the general concept of putting away toys/crafts/the tiny-pieces-of-paper-they-just-shredded (why do they do this?) IMMEDIATELY when they are done… it’s just not a habit.  In fact, I’m pretty sure that despite my urgings, it’s not even a passing thought in my kids’ minds.

So yesterday I decided to start “Make-a-Habit”.  Supposedly it takes 21 days of repeating an action to make it stick, so I figure 30 days oughta do the trick.  And if we focus on a new habit every month, we’ll have aquired 12 new habits at the end of a year!

Yesterday I deemed November’s habit “clean up after yourself.”  Actually, I tried to make it a little fun: Put Everything In It’s Place, or PEIIP.  We’re pronouncing it “peep” for the sake of having an image as a reminder to keep up the habit; yes, I made little Easter peeps with construction paper and taped them around the house.

Amazingly, the kids are completely on board.  I think it helped that we started with a clean house, and I made two promises:

1. If everyone keeps up with this habit, we will never have to clean the house again.  Having our house on the market forever (and having to clean for showings and open house) this was a big sell.  I added the disclaimer that we’d all have to still do chores, but it didn’t seem to damper the effect of this promise.
2. At the end of the month we’d have some sort of victory celebration.  I’m hoping to make some homemade marshmallows in the shape of peeps, and since sugar and a movie equal a celebration according to the kids, it should be pretty easy.

I’m not laying this all on my kids, by the way.  The primary factor in teaching your children is by example, so I’m making sure that I “peep” every single thing.  Believe me, they’re watching.

Poor Kyra got poison ivy on her face– across her forehead, along her nose, around her mouth, behind her ears, down her neck.  She must’ve touched a plant when we were weeding for friends, and she scratched and rubbed for a day before I realized what it was.  Her face is deep red and leathery and swollen, and though it doesn’t hurt and barely itches, she’s embarassed because people keep looking at her; it is startlingly red.

This is the third time she’s gotten poison ivy this summer.  Her skin is so sensitive that she reacts with any amount of exposure, and even afer the rash is gone the area stays red for weeks.  And this summer, in about a month, she goes to camp for the first time, meeting tons of new friends…  And she’ll have a splotchy red face.  Ugh– I hurt for her!  I want to take it off of her body and smear it all over my own, just so she won’t have to deal with the stares and questions.

I told her that— that I’d take the rash and the allergy and put it on my own body if I could, so she could have her soft smooth skin back.  She pulled back and looked into my eyes, as if to see if I was telling the truth.  And then she smiled, and her eyes… it was like I could see how content she felt, how loved she knew she was.  That is a cherished moment for me.

I know that I would do anything for my kids.  I would die for them without even thinking about it!  …But do they know it?  Part of the beauty of unconditional love is the recipient being aware of that love, of the immensity of it.  I’m not saying to go tell your kids you’d die for them; it’s too overwhelming and beyond their comprehension.  But when was the last time you told them something deeper than the foundational “I love you”? 

I show my kids my love for them on a daily basis: the cooking and cleaning and training and activities and snuggling and treats are all because I love them.  But don’t we all need to hear it in words, too?  I love the special times that Nate brings me flowers, but to be honest it’s what he’s written in the card that fills my heart.  Try to find a way this week to tell your kids how much you love them, beyond those three little words.   

For the last 2 weeks our family has been out of whack– our schedule has been overturned by staying up late with an evening VBS and large amounts of time painting and cleaning a rental house.  I haven’t spent much time with my kids, in fun activities or even in parenting.  We’ve had a lot of fast food meals and slow-moving mornings.  I’ve been dealing with an emotional issue with a friend and I’m tired, emotionally drained, and last night I stayed up until 3 in the morning watching reruns of a sitcom wasting my brain.

And I have used all of those things as rationalization for letting things slide.  “Oh, I’ve had to ask Levi to pick up his cars from the living room again, for the 4th time.  Well, I’ll just remind him again, because after all, it was me who kept him up late last night while we finished painting at the rental.”  And ”Oh, Kyra didn’t put away the heating pad like I told her, she just threw it on the floor of my bedroom.  But I’ll just put it away for her, because she’s outside playing and I’d have to go out and call her in and wait and tell her to do the job… I’ll just do it.”  And “Oh, Josiah talked back to me, again, but I’ll just let Nate handle it when he gets home ‘cuz I’m just too tired to deal with it.”

And so today we were swimming with another family who had brought 2 friends.  Last night’s storm had sent deck chairs into the pool, so I told my kids to get them out and not put any back in– the chairs don’t belong in the pool.  But when we got ready to leave I realized there were a ton of deck chairs in the bottom of the pool… and when I asked Josiah about it, he said one of the other boys, one of the friends, had put them in. 

And that’s when I was that mom:  I just knew my son wouldn’t lie to me, not even to save his own skin, and without even asking the friend if he had done it, I yelled at him.  Don’t get confused here– I didn’t yell at my kid.  I yelled at the friend of the other family.  Angrily telling him he shouldn’t have done that and to get the chairs out of the pool.  Nice, right?  Don’t you want your kids around me?

It gets worse:  Josiah had lied.  They had all thrown the chairs into the pool and played on them.  So not only had I yelled at someone else’s kid, it was for something my own kids had done too. 

I shouldn’t be suprised, really, by my behavior or my kids’.  With my own lack of self-control and all the things I’ve let my kids get away with lately, it’s no wonder I over-reacted without assessing the situation, or that my kids disobeyed me with the pool chairs, or that Josiah sought to avoid punishment by blaming someone else.  I’ve allowed the “tone of our home” to degrade into low expectations and the path of least resistance, and today was the result. 

When I don’t use self-discipline to monitor my own behavior or to uphold the beliefs and guidelines of our family, then of course the kids will feel the reigns slackening and push against the unsteady boundaries.  I’m not excusing the wrongdoings of my children– I believe they should live as they’ve been taught no matter the circumstances– but I recognize that they will follow the lead of the parent.  If I am am cheerful, they have a more joyful attitude; if I work to do my best, they are inspired to excel; if I clearly enjoy reading my Bible daily, they will anticipate hearing God’s words to them; and if I am lazy and turn a blind eye to misbehavior, they will do just enough to get by and to not ‘get in trouble’. 

Discipline in my home starts with me.  Not with me hovering, waiting to punish my children for making a mistake, but with me visibly seeking guidance from God in my life and being a good example; with me being consistent in my expectations for them and following through every time; with me leading them and loving them the same way God leads and loves me.

It wasn’t a big deal really.  Josiah (9) had asked Kyra (8) if he could have some of her yarn so he could weave a bracelet.  She had just bought the rainbow-colored yarn at a garage sale with her own money, a whole quarter.  :)  So she said no.  I didn’t really approve of her refusing to share, but knowing that she had just bought it, I understood and decided to give it a day or two.  I figured if he kept asking, I’d talk to her privately about sharing.  Well, I didn’t get a chance.

Josiah’s chore this morning was to clean out the family vehicle, and one of the things that had been left in the truck was Kyra’s yarn.  Yep, he took some of her yarn and made a… thing.  I don’t even know what it was, but he came in from weaving  cleaning the truck and proudly showed me the thing he had made, and said he was giving it to Kyra (in a “Aren’t I all nice?” voice.)

Have you had this kind of situation, too?  It’s frustrating because I know I’ve taught him better, and often I just want to scold him and spank him and be done with it.  BUT.  This is one of those things that’s a heart issue.  He knew not to do it, and he hid and did it anyway, and then he justified it to himself by giving the product of his sin to the person he had sinned against!

I first named his sin: stealing.  We live in a society of using politically correct terms and tip-toeing around our kids’ self-esteem, and we’re losing the power of naming things for what they are.  When I told Josiah that what he had done was stealing, his eyes got big first with denial, then understanding, and then shame.

I had him look up 3 scriptures and read them aloud to me:  Exodus 20:15 (one of the 10 Commandments,) Matthew 19:18 (Jesus listing things not to do, with stealing coming right after murder and adultery,) and Ephesians 4:28 (Paul telling Christians that if they steal, to stop and use their hands for something useful.)  We talked about each of the scriptures, and then Josiah had to:

1. Be spanked for knowing it was wrong but dling it anyway, which is disobedience plain and simple. 
2. Pray about what he did, confessing to God and asking for forgiveness and guidance.
3. Confess to Kyra and ask for her forgiveness.
4. Pay Kyra back.  I told him he had to pay her the 25 cents she had spent, but he decided he should pay her back 7 times that– which was $1.75! 
5. Do something useful and good with his hands.  After he gave his money to Kyra, she gave him more yarn :) and so he used that yarn to make her a dreamcatcher.

The thing with sin is that if it’s not dealt with (as in, confessed and forgiven,) then it grows.  Sin always grows.  Dealing with sin when it’s small is easier: if I had just required an apology today, then years down the road we could be trying to help Josiah deal with a stolen car or embezzlement. 

What I love about this day the most is this:  Josiah made a wrong… right, and now there is nothing standing between him and his sister.  There is peace and love in our house.  For a few minutes, anyway.  :)

I have a whole routine to keeping up with our laundry, and it really has become something I don’t dread.  In fact, it’s something that gives me satisfaction, knowing I’ve kept up with it or have it done for the day.

One of the things that makes it easier for me is a tip my sister shared with me several years ago, and it’s made a big difference in the time it takes me to do laundry.  It may sound harsh, opposite of what the matronly, ever-patient and self-sacrificing image of a mother would do… but in a way it’s a twisted modified version of the Golden Rule, and it also teaches your kids about taking care of their clothes.  The tip is simple:  *Give the clothes back the way you recieved them.*

Not exactly like you received them, granted; you return the clothes clean and folded, but if your 8-year-old always puts her dirty clothes in the laundry inside-out, then that’s how she gets them back: inside-out.  My 5-year-old gives me his pajama bottoms with one leg inside-out, every. single. time.  I could straighten out that leg each load, and it would only take me a split second.  But why?  I’m trying to teach him to take care of his things, and eventually to do his own laundry from start-to-finish.  If he can fix his pants leg before he puts it on, then he can fix it when he takes it off.

And though it would only take me a split second to fix one leg of a pair of pajamas, there’s more than one thing that needs to be ‘fixed’ per load.  I must say though, that since I began implementing this tip, there’s been a much smaller amount of clothes that are inside-out.  It seems that when they had to do it for themselves anyway, they decided to do it right away.  Hm… I like that.

Several years ago at a homeschooling conference, a speaker named Candy Summers said to do something special, some kind of small suprise, for your kids… every day!  At first I thought she was crazy, and surely way too busy with this one task.  But I kept thinking about it, and slowly began experimenting.

I started small (which is the idea) and to this day I continue small.  It can be any little thing, like serving their snack of raisins and nuts in an ice cream cone, or 15 minutes on the computer for fun games.

I try to do something every single day.  I can’t say that I’ve never forgotten, but if the kids are in bed and I realize I didn’t have a “little thing” that day, I squeeze into bed with each of them for extra snuggle time or I sneak them into the living room for an impromptu sleepover. 

It has gotten to be such a habit that I am always on the lookout for something the kids would like; it’s become part of what I do.  Today Levi had a lesson on shapes, so I had all the kids make shapes out of marshmallows and toothpicks.  Yesterday I read to them extra long from the book we’re reading together right now, “Abel’s Island.”  See, nothing big. 

The basic concept is simply to bring a tiny sigh of “oh!” into each day, a little sunshine whether there’s any outside or not.  I want my kids to look back on their childhood with a smile and a happy, loved feeling.  That’s not going to come from expensive vacations or dragging them to every sport we can sign them up for; it’ll come from small moments, from the little things.  Here’s some ideas to get you started:

• keep a stock of “goodies” like silly putty, glow sticks, or even scotch tape to give them, especially on rainy days
• take a walk in the dark, with flashlights
• put green food coloring in the pasta you serve them at lunch
• write each a note and put it on their bed to find.  Even non-readers will love this (and probably memorize the note!)
• pack a picnic breakfast (like muffins or cereal in sandwich bags) on a nice day, with a timer set, and send them to the back yard
• put a piece of candy or treat on their pillows
• give them a packet of seeds and a spot in the yard that is just for them
• let them use a straw at supper
• buy a package of squirt guns and send them to the deck/porch in their swimsuits

Some of these may seem silly, they’re so small… but that’s just it: the simple pleasures in life are what make our days special.  Do a little brainstorming for things you can do for your own family, and share them with us!

I did it again.  I was late to pick up the babysitter from school, so I was in a hurry.  And of course I ended up behind 2 cautious… slow… snail-like drivers, right before coming to a stoplight.  And I did it.  I drove like a crazy idiot, speeding up and swerving around them to make the light, because after all, I had someplace to be!! 

Just as I was to the intersection, I realized an oncoming car was turning left in front of the 2 slow drivers.  I had to slam on my brakes so hard that my vehicle lurched and shook and made a terrible grinding noise!  While I seethed, I watched the first slow car mosey through the yellow light.  And while I ranted about incompetent drivers, I looked over at Slow Car #2 and saw a college-age boy shake his head sorrowfully at my terrible driving!  I was livid, so I did what I always do:  I laughed bitterly, looking straight at him, waiting for him to look at me so that I could then smile and act like “Oops, silly me, ha-ha!”  … He never looked.

What bothers me is this:

• I endangered the safety of myself, my children, and others.
• Any driver in the vicinity wouldn’t have believed a Christian word from my mouth after seeing how I acted.
• My kids witnessed my driving and my reaction.
• My kids then listened to my justification of my driving.

Yes, I drove the rest of the way to the school “explaining” why the other drivers were wrong and I was right!!  I went about the rest of the afternoon retelling myself those lies, smugly reassuring myself that I was right.  And good.  And an excellent driver.

It honestly didn’t hit me until much later, when I overheard Kyra telling the boys, “When I learn to drive, I’m going to make it a habit to drive nice and never get mad.  That way I’ll never have a problem with it.”

*SHAAAAAAAAAAME*

At that moment I could see how crazed, how unsafe, and how ridiculous I had been, trying to explain to my kids that I was actually a good driver.  I couldn’t even fool an 8 year-old; how was I able to fool myself?!?! 

I tell my kids all the time how Satan whispers lies to us, that we need to always check our beliefs against truths we know, truths from God and family and people we trust; especially beliefs that give us that uncomfortable feeling, like something isn’t right.

I tell my kids all the time… yet I ignored that bad feeling in my own heart, and whole-heartedly joined Satan in the lies of my spectacular driving skills and experience on the road, the lies that all the other bad drivers put me in a dangerous situation.

I’m ashamed that it took the innocent wisdom of an 8 year-old to force me to recognize my sin, but I’m also thankful.  Gary L. Thomas, in his book Sacred Parenting, says, “The process of parenting is one of the the most spiritually formative journeys a man and woman can ever undertake… Spiritually speaking, we need to raise children every bit as much as they need us to raise them.”

Without my daughter’s words, I would have continued on my hostile way, waving aside horn-honking and middle fingers, ignoring why I was reluctant to place a Jesus fish on my bumper (that would do more harm than good for His name…) and nurturing a hatefulness in my heart, justifying an unreasonable sense of entitlement.

Oh, how I wish I could say that I’m now cured of my road rage.  In reality, each time I got behind the wheel these past 2 days I’ve had to keep patience, peace, and self-control at the forefront of my mind and on the tip of my tongue, and it hasn’t been easy.  I expect this to take quite a while; after all, I’ve had ugly driving habits for over 20 years.  But I am committed to change, for the sake of everyone’s safety, for the sake of example to my children and others, and for my own sake; my heart’s sake.  And someday I will, without hesitation, permanently attach a Jesus fish to my bumper.

Kyra’s having a Cowgirl birthday party Saturday, and I’ve been searching for an activity to do with girls around the age of 8.  I thought of friendship bracelets, since this age is capable of more than stringing beads on yarn.  What a nice thought… friendship bracelets… the problem is, I’m apparently knot-impaired. 

I searched online and spent far too much time repeatedly tangling my fingers in hemp and embroidery thread.  So I spent more time searching online, and found this helpful site that you can use, too, to teach your kids (and yourself!) how to make cute, inexpensive bracelets for both boys and girls.

This You-Tube video has an 11-year-old girl explaining and demonstrating a very simple 5-string braid.  It’s all about hooking your fingers through the thread, which is by far the simplest way to teach a child (… or a knot-impaired mother.)  Kyra (almost 8) and Josiah (9) watched me make one, tried it themselves with my guidance, and have spent much of this afternoon making more on their own.  I’m sure kids younger than mine could learn to make these.  Levi (5) just had no interest, so I can’t tell you how a 5-year-old would do.

I couldn’t find a better way to knot the bracelet other than a basic knot.  All of the instructional sites and videos I found were either too difficult for my understanding or didn’t really hold well, so I ended up just tying a strong knot. 

This is a great hobby to teach your kids to help keep them busy during the summer months, or as a rainy-day activity.  It’s also a cool craft that they can make for their friends, and is light enough to tuck into an envelope to send to a distant friend who’s moved away.  Plus it’s inexpensive; an 8.7 yard length of embroidery thread costs only 35 cents, and it takes less than 5 yards to make one adult-sized bracelet.  Happy bracelet-making!

Oh, the issues with snacking.  Sometimes my kids want to eat because they’re bored or they know there’s some treat in the pantry that sounds good; but a lot of the time it’s true hunger that drives them into the kitchen.  Kids are constantly growing, and they really do need more than 3 square meals a day.

There’s 2 issues, though: 

1. Eating between meals may make them so full that they aren’t hungry at mealtime. 
2. Snack foods are often not-so-healthy.

If my kids eat a couple of graham crackers and then aren’t hungry for the chicken stir-fry at supper, their growing bodies just aren’t getting what’s best for them.  I wouldn’t serve my family a plate of graham crackers for supper, but if I let them get full on empty carbs so that they end up not interested in supper, then that’s exactly what I’ve done: served them a plate of graham crackers for supper.  It’s not like the graham crackers are terrible for them, but when a kid’s stomach is full, it’s full, so you have to be a little choosy about what goes in that belly.

What works best for our family is a basic rule: Anyone can have a snack any time (outside of an hour from mealtime or bedtime,) with the understanding that a snack is fruit, vegetables, seeds/nuts, or cheese.  Fruit, vegetables, seeds/nuts, and cheese are all very healthy foods, so if my kids don’t eat much at a meal, I know they still got valuable nutrients throughout the day.  And to be honest, they don’t get too full from these snacks very often.  Fruit digests pretty quickly, and vegetables, seeds/nuts and cheese are hard to eat a whole lot of at one sitting.     

Setting this snack rule has been great for our family.  The kids aren’t tempted by sugary treats, so they only eat a snack if they’re truly hungry; this means they’re rarely too full for meals, and they’re able to satisfy their hunger pangs when they need to. 

Now if someone could just invent a chocolate vegetable for me…